Confidence Coaching & Therapy for Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem and lack of confidence – Coaching & therapy can help

It’s not unusual for a person to experience a lack of confidence or low self-esteem in this day and age. People can feel this way on a regular basis, or at particular times or in specific circumstances. For some this is an accepted, lifetime reality; for others, lacking confidence or doubting themselves is the exception, not a regular life occurrence.

To not feel comfortable in the world can lead to behaving less optimally. It is disruptive to lose confidence unexpectedly or not feel of worth much of the time. It saps energy going through life not believing you can do things or that others think, like you, that you’re not worthy. It is demotivating and disempowering.

Is a lack of confidence normal?

Social media nowadays places great emphasis on popularity. Visible public images of others might exacerbate private doubts we may hold of our own self image. The press and TV portray celebrities as bold, daring, influential. This can invite comparisons which can make us feel we’re lacking, or don’t measure up.

But the one thing we seldom see in public personalities is the individual’s private vulnerabilities. All people at some points in life struggle with the BIG questions like ‘Who am I really?’ and ‘What does my life truly mean?’ A celebrity on a popular TV series or a sports star paid big bucks by a sponsor doesn’t usually go public with their deepest anxieties.

When is low self-esteem and confidence a problem?

So, if it’s normal to hesitate, to feel unsure, and to not act on the moment, the question then is whether or how much that interferes with everyday life. Does it shut us down? How much does it keep us from doing things? We might also feel our lack of confidence or our low self-esteem is greater and more of a problem than another person’s. Given that we all have these feelings at times, what makes the difference is how we cope with and handle them.

One consequence is they reduce our taking initiative. We scale back how we can go forth in our own life or what our unique contribution can be to other people’s lives around us. We end up on the ‘receiving end’ – passive, not forging ahead, not volunteering or taking our part. In short, we lose agency and stop living our potential. Psychotherapy and coaching can help when . . .

• you know you have not always felt this way before; or when the feelings of low confidence are ‘event-specific’ (a particular circumstance or setting where your previous sufficient-confidence melts away)

• you recognise how very familiar this feeling is and has been through our life; it’s a long-term, chronic ‘hold’ on how you see yourself

• a part of you feels as if you ‘don’t belong’ or you’re out of step; as if you’re on the outside looking at others taking all the action and receiving the attention

How can self-esteem therapy and confidence coaching help?

Both psychotherapy and coaching are relevant in helping to strengthen your resilience to deal with ups-and-downs in your life. Confidence and self-esteem have roots in childhood and in the ways we were brought up. In the safe environment of a therapeutic session, you can explore early influences on your development which may now have a bearing on your later, adult capacities.

Psychotherapy and coaching sessions also offer opportunities for acknowledging vulnerabilities and self images you might not have been allowed to talk about as a young person growing up. Healthy confidence and self-esteem are reality-based; being able to ‘own’ and acknowledge how it really was for you in your past, including your worst fears and misgivings, can release fresh views and re-evaluation of reality. It makes possible a shift from previously imagined or distorted reality to an updated, more evidence-based view of reality.

If I talk about and open up my worst worries from long ago, does that make matters worse than I feel they are now? I want to increase my confidence and self-esteem, not my anxieties!

I hear this starting point frequently as a psychotherapist and executive coach. It’s an understandable, genuinely worrying concern at the outset. And I also know from feedback all the time from clients that it doesn’t happen that way. People in fact often are tremendously relieved to finally, safely, refer to private things they may never have expressed before to someone. Or if they have expressed them, may never have resolved.

I appreciate the starting point in your lack of confidence or low esteem is very challenging. When you contact me and we discuss things at first, you may well feel especially vulnerable. And whereas I have my own vulnerabilities as a human being, I am confident from my professional career that we can from the very beginning contain your worst fears. We will establish a working alliance at the start which builds your confidence and self-esteem, not reduces them.

Contact me and we can discuss the ways we might work together for you to manage your life with more pleasure and satisfaction.

You may find the following web pages helpful in understanding ‘confidence’ and ‘self-esteem’:

Mind – for better mental health: What is ‘Self Esteem’
Counselling Directory: What is ‘Low Confidence’
This thought provoking video explores the effect we have on those around us when we voice our low self-confidence: